Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”John 4:13-14A couple of weeks ago I heard a friend speak about how her walk with God dramatically changed from feeling like a guest to a daughter of the King. This was a woman who had walked with God for almost twenty years when this happened. Experiencing the God who chooses you, transforms your walk. As I listened to her compelling testimony, the Lord started to reveal how my heart was guarded just like the Samaritan woman at the well. Like her, I didn't want to get my life or water with everyone else in the cool of the day. But instead I went by myself, when no one was around.
Yet in the heat of the day, she stumbles upon Jesus. He is tired and thirsty and asks her for a drink. She is astonished that He would ask her, a Samaritan woman for water. But Jesus isn't like other men in her life who has abused and judged her, he just wants to give her life. Like her, I was in the intensity of one trial after another feeling isolated and alone. Marked by past authorities that had spoken words of judgment and condemnation, why would anyone really want to get close to me? My soul was too tarnished. Being cloaked in shame and fear, I didn't realize how isolated I had become. I chose not to get close to others for fear that they too, would judge me with harshness and disparaging words. Yet, my Lord didn't see me this way. How could my thinking change? This revelation almost overwhelmed me.
"Now what do I do with it, Lord." I asked.
For a couple of weeks this revelation stirred in me. I became aware of so many circumstances where I felt judged or slighted, even though, I didn't think these people meant to do harm to me. My feelings were so twisted, I didn't know which way was up. This roller coaster of emotions left me dazed and confused, which only added to my guilt and condemnation. I felt like I was sinking farther and farther into a hole that I would never get out of.
Then Sunday came, and during worship the Lord started dealing with my broken heart. He brought to me peoples faces and the angry, hurtful words that they had spoken over me the pain was so intense I felt like the tears would never stop. I told the Lord that if he wanted change in me, that Pastor Gerry would need to pray over me and break the deception off of me. As worshiped ended, they had an altar call for prayer. I went forward and Pastor Gerry prayed over me. As he started to pray about my control issues which had led to my fear of authority and how I had to defend myself for years. I was so broken I couldn't even look up. God had answered my prayer in such a powerful way. The words flowed straight into my heart and started to heal the breaches of the past, even to my early childhood. I was told I could lay down my sword now, for the Lord would go before me and be my rear guard. For once in my life, I felt safe and protected, like someone was looking at for me. Even now as I share this tears well up. For the road has been a long with many disappointments along the way. As I left the altar that day, I knew I would never be the same, just like my friend who had shared a few weeks earlier, His Love will forever change you.
God had chosen me. He loved me. He would protect me. He would guide me. Though these words seem to simple, they are so profound when they reach to the innermost part of your soul. Where others had spoken death- He spoke life and life more abundantly. I chose to take the living water that He offered me on Sunday and drink deeply to satisfy the longing of my soul.
How about you? Have others wounded you so deeply that it clouded your perceptions of the Lord and other believers, if so can I pray for you? God doesn't desire for us to be afraid of being vulnerable or afraid. He desires to set us free, to live the life that we were intended to live for him.
