1 To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: 2 A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted; 3 A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up; 4 A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance; 5 A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing; 6 A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away; 7 A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak; 8 A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, And a time of peace.I think that one of the hardest obstacles that Chuck and I had to overcome in our nineteen years of marriage was realizing that we would eventually go through all the seasons listed in Ecclesiastes 3. Then understanding we wouldn’t get to choose which season we will be in or for how long.
Being in a season of love, peace, building, and so forth are relatively easy. But throw in a season of war, silence, or mourning and things can get sticky. Most people go into marriage thinking it will be like their wedding day. Everyone will be blissful. :) Bliss doesn't always hang around.
When we lost our still born, twin daughter, it affected us very differently. Then just a few months later Chuck lost his brother to cancer and his job in the same year, that was very difficult time for us as a couple. We found out that we didn't grieve the same way or over the same things. We had to learn how to give each other lots of room and lots of grace. Adaptability is a key factor for surviving losses of any sort.
Setting boundaries with our extended family has been another season we really wish we could have skipped. Coming from extreme dysfunction has made it hard to keep open an open door policy with our families. Vacillating the line of honoring your parents versus protecting your marriage and children can be difficult. Chuck and I have had to sit down on numerous occasions and talk about how we are going to deal with a parental situation. Open communication has been the key for us in this arena. We have modified our policies over the years to accommodate changes concerning our family. I think the one of the main ingredients of moving through difficult season is endurance. We have to pace ourselves and know that a particular season won’t be for ever. Setting realistic expectations will also ease the burden as you journey together. Chuck and I have gone through many tough seasons over our years, in fact we are in one of the most difficult season’s of our lives right now. But I wouldn’t want to go through it without him. Being seasoned travelers we have some idea of what to expect from each other. We have learned to walk together, stop and wait for each other, and have the faith that love bears all things and will never fail.
10 comments:
I enjoyed this post! I suppose it IS true that most marriages go through all the seasons listed in Ecc 3. I never thought of that passage in the context of marriage. A wonderful insight.
Perhaps you'd be interested in submitting this post to the Marriage Monday meme... hosted this month at Fruit in Season. You can visit Chrysalis for the details on how to link up.
Blessings,
e-Mom
Chuck and I have gone through many tough seasons over our years, in fact we are in one of the most difficult season’s of our lives right now. But I wouldn’t want to go through it without him.What an inspiration you are! For many years of our marriage, my husband was the LAST person I wanted to go through a difficult season with -- I felt like he just made things more difficult for me (and, to be fair, I for him)!
When we went through Marriage Encounter a number of years ago, we were both convicted that we were living as "married singles." Thus, we were missing out to much of the true intimacy (in-to-me-see) God intended for us. Yes, our vastly different ways of handing crisis could be painful...but that pain would produce growth if we allowed it.
Thank you for your authenticity!
"Adaptability is a key factor for surviving losses of any sort." This is so true! We realized how differently my husband and I deal with grief when our tiny daughter was in the hospital for 2 and a half months. He withdrew, I beat myself up over it and was very emotional. We learned and lived through it, thanks be to God!
We've also had issues with boundaries and in-laws. I can relate to that as well!
Thanks so much for your post. Sharing our hearts about our marriages strengthens each other and ourselves!
Great post. You're right, loss and transition do affect couples different, and it took me a long time and a lot of tears to figure that out.
Glad I found you through Marriage Monday!
I enjoyed your thoughts and insight.
I really liked this: But I wouldn’t want to go through it without him. Being seasoned travelers we have some idea of what to expect from each other. We have learned to walk together, stop and wait for each other, and have the faith that love bears all things and will never fail.
This was such a great post, bless you.
It took me a little while as a newlywed to understand seasons would come and go, but once I realized it, it was a great comfort. You're right--endurance is key.
Seasoned travelers, I LOVE that! Who else to walk beside you down a difficult road then the one who has done it in the past!
I remember in the early days of our marriage being forewarned that the fireworks and rainbows would wear off and it saddened me so much! Then when those days came and I remember thinking,
"Just because I'm married to you doesn't mean I have to like you today!"
Now, that we've weathered so much, our love, our relationship is the anchor in a turbulent world. It gives me such comfort and encouragement that I know regardless of the season in our lives, as long as we're traveling together we'll make our destination!
Connie
This is right on Tonya. We have gone through all the seasons a number of times. The true testimony is staying together in spite of the bad seasons.
What some people fail to realize is that the bad times WILL come. How they weather it determines if their marriage will last and how strong it will be.
Oi. Parabéns pelo excelente blog. Gostaria de lhe convidar para visitar meu blog e conhecer alguma coisa sobre o Brasil. Abração
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