Marriage Monday: Extreme Make Over

I was on the verge of leaving my husband. I didn’t feel like I could stay with him anymore. So, when our church talked about a marriage encounter, Chuck asked me to go. I looked at it, as a quarter back throwing a Hail Mary pass into the end-zone at the end of a football game. You had to give the guy credit for trying. So I went with without any expectation of changing much less keeping our marriage together.

The first time God miraculously stepped in to save us from ourselves was in 1993. We had gone through a whirlwind of events in an eighteen month period. Our twin daughter passed away just before she was born, we moved to another state with our surviving five month old. We knew no one, then my husband’s brother passed away at the age of twenty nine from cancer. Shortly after returning from the funeral my husband was fired from his job, which provided an apartment and a car, so in one week we lost our income, car, and home. And I was eight months pregnant with our son. We quickly moved in with some friends and one month later our son was born. Then Des Moines was stricken with flood so great it was considered a 500 year flood. Our entire city was under water and had no electricity. We lived on the outskirts so we at least had power. But things were really tough.

At the end of all this, we realized that our coping mechanisms were destroying our marriage. Both Chuck and I turned to different addictions to try to stop the pain growing in souls. Though we were searching for relief, we gained more sorrow and separation.

Attending the marriage encounter, we soon discovered we were worlds apart in how we dealt with the stresses of life. I remember journaling after one session and praying about my anger with Chuck’s issues. Then ever so gently, the Lord revealed all the bitterness that had built up in my own heart.

Immediately, the Lord began rebuilding my heart. But first, He had to empty it of all my bitterness and anger. During that prayer time I felt like woman that came and wiped Jesus’ feet with her tears after being forgiven. I was face down in our hotel room pouring out my heart and asking God for forgiveness. I was sweetly broken before Him. After praying I felt so clean and so loved. He understood my pain and didn’t judge me for it. I not only fell in love with Chuck again that weekend, I also fell in love with my Lord once again.

Though my trust was breached by the things that Chuck had done, I felt like the Lord let me down too. I prayed for our family and bad things still happened. Where was God in all this? Did He care? All of my fears and doubts were washed away as I poured out my heart. It is very difficult to put into words what happens when the Lord meets you right where you are. But just one word that He speaks to you can have an enormous implication for your life. That’s what happened during that session.

After each session our walls started coming down. We were able to see each others’ point of view. We started laughing again. I believe that when multiple tragic events hit a marriage all at one time, they need outside support to help weather the storm. Neither one of us knew how to grieve, or express our anger and disappointment. All we knew how to do was run and hide. Learning to communicate was painful. Letting go of our crutches seemed impossible. But over time, we were able to do just that.

It took many months after that original marriage encounter to heal. But the main change came that weekend.