Mom Quiz

T-Mobile Mom to Mom Quiz: "

Take the fun, Mom to Mom quiz and discover your parenting style.

I found this cute quiz on line and thought I would share my results. No surprises here!

Hanging on

Oh I would love to say that I have been busy working on submissions, school, business, and such this past week. But I can't. Sickness sucked the life out of me for most of the week. I thought my attitude was getting better as I was trying to accept the "new" me. But after this week, I can't say that I am too happy with me the old or new me. I am not sure what else to do about this stupid disease. Forgive my frustration, but I would like my life back. I am tired of being held hostage by extreme fatigue, reoccurring sinus infections, and now stomach issues. I am sure that by the weekend I will feel better and will be able to move forward, but it is incredibly frustrating to be walking along thinking, "I have this beat!" to only be knocked down once again.

But, I can't complain too much. Last week I spoke with two people that had long term debilitating conditions and the were single. At least I have my family and friends. There are days that I wonder if Chuck really knew how much he was going to be tested by in sickness and in health. I praise him for his faithfulness to me no matter what comes our way. Jan can make me laugh even when I don't want too. :) The kids are a blessing, they cook and clean when I am down. I still stand on the promises of God about health. God is faithful and true. Just sometimes, it is hard to hang on.

Hopefully next week I can go photograph some beautiful flowers, that always helps my attitude and perspective. :)

Your Nail Polish

Your Nail Polish Color is Pink

How you're unique: You're girly without being high maintenance Why your style rocks: You're the perfect blend of stylish, preppy, and cute What this color says about you: "I am secure enough not to follow every trend"

What Color Nail Polish Best Fits You?

65 Questions

I saw this over at Kay's site. I am not sure if I have ever done one of these or not, but thought I would try.

65 Questions You've Probably Never Been Asked

1. First thing you wash in the shower? My face

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? I don't have one.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yep.

4. Do you plan outfits? Sometimes

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Tired

6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red? my Synonym Finder. (Great book!)

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? It was about my grandparents. Very sad.

8. Did you meet anybody new today? Yes, at Katie's party.

9. What are you craving right now? Sleep

10. Do you floss? Nope, I live on the wild side. Sometimes.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? Slaw

12. Are you emotional? Lately, very much so.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? NO, I don't have the patience for that.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? Ice cream is soft, how can you bite it?

15. Do you like your hair? I like my hair. Nope.

16. Do you like yourself? Getting there, slowly.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Yes, I would have so many questions to ask him.

18. What are you listening to right now? The crickets singing and Chuck and Jonathan playing a game.

20. Would you go sky diving? No. Most certainly not. Never. Not on your life. (Took this one from Kay, what she said, sums it up.)

21. Do you like cottage cheese? Nope.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity? I was once in the ER with Rick James. He was having a stroke and I was having an allergic reaction. And I met Missy Gold when I was little, she was the Grand Marshall of a parade I was in.

23. Do you rent movies often? yes

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in? CD's is the closest thing.

25. How many countries have you visited? Tahiti, Canada, Mexico, and Belgium.

26. Have you made a prank phone call? Not since I was a teenager.

27. Ever been on a train? Yes.

28. Brown or white eggs? It doesn't matter.

29. Do you have a cell phone? Yes, but I never hear it ring.

30. Do you use chap stick? I should, but don't.

31. Do you own a gun? Yes.

32. Can you use chopsticks? No

33. Who are you going to be with tonight? My husband and kids.

34. Are you too forgiving? No

35. Ever been in love? Yes, and still am.

36. What is your best friend doing tomorrow? Going to church and spending time with her husband and MIL.

37. Ever have cream puffs? Yes.

38. Last time you cried? Probably sometime this last week, but I am not sure what day.

39. What was the last question you asked? Will you please take care of the trash, Jonathan.

40. Favorite time of the year? Fall, for I love the colors. Then I would have to say spring.

41. Last TV show you watched? NCIS, my family is obsessed with it.

42. Are you sarcastic? Only sometimes. :)

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? Yes, but I can't remember much of the movie.

44. Ever walked into a wall? Yes, it was a closet actually. This was all before I was a Christian though.

45. Favorite color? Purple/Blue

46. Ever slapped someone? Yes.

47. Is your hair curly? Yes

48. What was the last CD you bought? A Worship CD

49. Do looks matter? not really

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater? Yes

51. Is your phone bill sky high? Not for four phones, but it is high because we have four phones.

52. Do you like your life right now? I love where I live. I love my kids and family but I would love to be healthier.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on? I fall asleep on the couch with the TV on.

54. Can you handle the truth? Yes, I can handle the truth

55. Do you have good vision? Yes, but I do use glasses at night.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? No, but I do hate the actions of some.

57. How often do you talk on the phone? A couple times a day to Chuck and Jan.

58. Do you text a lot? Not much.

59. What are you wearing? Pajamas

60. What is your favorite animal? I love birds

61. Where was your default picture taken at? At Starbucks with Jan.

62. Can you hula hoop? I used to be able to do so.

63. Do you have a job? Yes, I homeschool, I am a photographer, mom, and I help Chuck out with his business.

64. What was the most recent thing you bought? Chocolate bars from Whole Foods that don't have sugar in them.

65. Have you ever crawled through a window? Yes, when I was a teenager- I ran away from home.

Play along if you want. Otherwise you are free!

Gentle Healing

This is my new favorite picture. First off, I just LOVE lilacs. The smell is intoxicating to me. Chuck took me to a tree farm before mother's day and you would of thought I had died and gone to heaven! All the trees were blossoming and the fragrance of the all these blossoming trees just filled the air. I felt like I had been clothed in the perfume. Chuck kept laughing at me as we walked row upon row of so many different trees (I was the official tree sniffer). I can see why God created the garden of Eden for man. Gardens are a place of healing. They restore your soul ever so gently and peacefully. It can't help but soothe what ever is troubling you on the inside. Sitting in a place where life and growth abound can't help but stimulate your mind, senses, and soul.

We planted a rose garden the Saturday before Mother's day, I am saddened by my lack of gardening skills. All the roses fell off and the leaves are yellow! I think we have been watering them too much. I will let you know if they survive! But when the roses were still there, the scent was so sweet. I designated my porch as a place to praise and worship God in the morning. In the cool of the day; sipping coffee, inhaling the scent of sweet roses, and praising my God. For a moment, I felt like Heaven came to me.

The solitude of God isn't something we as a church seek out. We are so busy serving Him, that we forget that the time spent with Him is just as or even more important than what we are doing. Jesus many times went off by Himself to pray and spend time alone with God. It is recorded that He did this on a mountain or in a garden. God desires us to commune with Him without the distractions of phones, lists, appointments, and such. Being a type-A personality, this has been so hard for me to do. I would much rather be on the go or doing something, but in the last few years as my life has changed so radically. This has been my lifeline. Just to be in his Presence, sometimes nothing more.

Then Jesus went with them to a garden called Gethsemane and told his disciples,
"Stay here while I go over there and pray." Matthew 26:36

So what about you, where do you go to get away to meet Him?
What draws you closer to Him?

Sailing On

Tonight we went to the kids' ceremony for their Friday school. They both lettered in speech, debate, and drama. It was a wonderful program showing all the accomplishments of so many kids. We have had our ups and downs this year with each child this year. But I am so grateful that we stuck it out. The kids were able to see some of the fruits of their labor. It is funny as a parent, you see your child progress and you can't help but remember what it was like in high school. I remember looking at those jackets that had the big letters on them and thinking to myself, WOW! And now, here are my kids with those letters. God can bring things full circle sometimes and when He does, it is amazing.

Tonight they officially moved passed us. They are doing things we would have never dreamed of accomplishing. God is using their talents for something good in this world. Of course, they are still teenagers and have their issues. I am sure that tomorrow morning I will have to break up at least one fight over the bathroom. :) Nevertheless, they are making strides in things that neither Chuck or I could have dreamt. Some days you get to see and feel the rewards of all your prayers, research, and wondering. Tonight while they were receiving their awards, I felt it, God promise of never leaving me or forsaking me as a mother, teacher, and wife.

Our Church's Video

I know Mother's Day is over, but I wanted to share with you this video my friend, Katie Direen put together from church.

Rose Garden Planted

Can I just say that I have the best kids in the world! We started working on the front of the house this morning around 8am. I left to get my red bushes with pink flowers that smell like heaven and a few more rose bushes. I came back and Jonathan had the edging done for the rose garden. Amanda had weeded everywhere we needed to plant things. Then as Jonathan and I were digging holes, nine to be exact, Amanda was weeding on the side of the house. THEN we worked on the back. I now have my swing in a better place. We live in a very WINDY place and my big swing continues to blow over from the wind. I think we have that under control. So, we weeded, planted 6 rose bushes, 3 red bushes with pink flowers that smell like heaven, planted three sets of peonies, and moved the furniture around in the back.
I am one happy momma!!! I take pictures later on next week after the roses are finished being in shock and you can see my rose garden. And the red bushes with pink flowers that smell like heaven. :)

I hope you all have a wonderful Mother's day.

Here is my gift to you, my 2009 Mother's Day Picture.

Relaxing for Mother's Day

Longing for peace and restoration, yet, without fail, the pain comes; it almost seems inevitable each Mother’s Day. Every year, I wonder how I will make it through the day. Should I call her or just send a card? This year, I am more sensitive than in years past. Being estranged from your mother for a long time is no easy thing. Many women that I know who are in a similar situation won’t even talk about it, for without fail someone will bring up the Honor thy mother and father Scripture. People aren’t comfortable with division. So they look to one person, usually the one who has taken the brunt of abuse to make everyone feel better, without really looking at why there is division in the first place. This happened to me this week. I was on the phone with a family member and a question was posed about my mother coming to a particular event for my children. When it was revealed that she wouldn’t be attending, Scriptures were yielded like a sword at me. By the time I got of the phone, I was shaking so bad, I thought I would physically collapse. The rest of the night I wondered once again, was I that bad, unforgiving daughter they all judged me to be?

I went to church that night and I went up for prayer after the service. Our Pastor’s wife prayed Psalm 23 over me. As we finished and I hugged her, and asked her two things: Will you tell me you love me? And am I as horrible as they imply? No matter how old a child is, the heart can be shattered by rejection and scorn. I couldn’t suppress the sobs anymore as they escaped. Clinging to her, I wondered if it would ever end. All I have ever wanted was closure.

Sometimes to move forward you have go back.

For about a year I have been reading A Wounded Heart, by Dan Allender. This book has brought so much understanding to me about myself; I can’t even begin to share all of it now with you. But in the process of reading this book, many memories that I had pushed deep within me have surfaced, which has caused my heart to be extra tender. Many of the memories that I had of my childhood seemed like sterile facts with no or very little emotion tied to them. Now they have come alive with deep anger mixed with profound sorrow.

When I started this book I thought I might need a highlighter to help me mark special passages and quotes that I wanted to remember. If you saw my book today, it looks like a kindergartner colored every page, it is so marked up. But as I continued reading, I became aware of what the abuse had done to my soul. After all these years of crying out to God to help me with my anger or frustration and feeling completely overrun with guilt and condemnation because I just couldn’t get or maintain freedom in this area. I was continually blanketed with self-contempt. What I learned was that the self-contempt was placed deep within years before I became an adult or even before I became a Christian. In turn my coping mechanisms were formed. Having all this exposed, it led me to the One who can redeem, protect, and heal the broken and bruised places of my soul. And ultimately leading me to love others without fear or walls, the way Christ loves us.

So this leads me back to Mother’s Day, and what I should do. I sent a card, for that is honoring and the right thing to do. As for communication, not yet, for my heart isn’t ready for more rejection and accusations. In time, maybe the Lord will lead me in a path that will bring restoration this relationship. Forgiveness can happen even if the person never apologizes, but restoration takes two and I am not sure that will ever happen on this side of heaven. Looking at things with honesty requires that all denial and minimizing be removed. I am not sure if everyone would be on board with that. So fro now, I am going to celebrate the day with my family, Chuck and the kids. I am looking forward to a peaceful and quiet time with them in the mountains.

A Time for Everything

¹ To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: ² A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted; ³ A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up; ⁴ A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance; ⁵ A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing; ⁶ A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away; ⁷ A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak; ⁸ A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, And a time of peace.

I think that one of the hardest obstacles that Chuck and I had to overcome in our nineteen years of marriage was realizing that we would eventually go through all the seasons listed in Ecclesiastes 3. Then understanding we wouldn’t get to choose which season we will be in or for how long.

Being in a season of love, peace, building, and so forth are relatively easy. But throw in a season of war, silence, or mourning and things can get sticky. Most people go into marriage thinking it will be like their wedding day. Everyone will be blissful. :) Bliss doesn't always hang around.

When we lost our still born, twin daughter, it affected us very differently. Then just a few months later Chuck lost his brother to cancer and his job in the same year, that was very difficult time for us as a couple. We found out that we didn't grieve the same way or over the same things. We had to learn how to give each other lots of room and lots of grace. Adaptability is a key factor for surviving losses of any sort.

Setting boundaries with our extended family has been another season we really wish we could have skipped. Coming from extreme dysfunction has made it hard to keep open an open door policy with our families. Vacillating the line of honoring your parents versus protecting your marriage and children can be difficult. Chuck and I have had to sit down on numerous occasions and talk about how we are going to deal with a parental situation. Open communication has been the key for us in this arena. We have modified our policies over the years to accommodate changes concerning our family. I think the one of the main ingredients of moving through difficult season is endurance. We have to pace ourselves and know that a particular season won’t be for ever. Setting realistic expectations will also ease the burden as you journey together. Chuck and I have gone through many tough seasons over our years, in fact we are in one of the most difficult season’s of our lives right now. But I wouldn’t want to go through it without him. Being seasoned travelers we have some idea of what to expect from each other. We have learned to walk together, stop and wait for each other, and have the faith that love bears all things and will never fail.

Innocence Lost

Innocence Lost
By Tonya Vander© 2009

The Goodness of God

...The goodness of God endures continually.
Psalm 52:1

I really needed a spiritual boost this week. I found myself desperately searching within myself to praise Him. Normally gratitude isn't a big deal for me. For God has been oh so good to me, but when you hit certain bumps in the road, you have a hard time getting going again.

So I went to the botanical gardens. Taking in all the spring flowers brought much needed worship and delight to my soul. I can't help but worship God, when I see His creation in such splendor. As the sun was shining on just the tips of the flowers, it seems almost magical to me. His array of flowers amaze me. And to think that not only does He give us tulips, crocuses, daffodil, roses, irises, sunflowers... but He give us so many different types, colors, and in such abundance. Just the sheer multitude of tulips almost brought me to tears. For if He gives us flowers in abundance that are here today and gone tomorrow how much more Yet His mercy, love, forgiveness, and grace are the things that are will endure forever. All this, brought me back to Him, knowing that He is good, all the time.

May you be encouraged today by His love and mercy.