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Marriage Monday is about communication in marriage today. Communication is so much more than
words. It is the way we say them, how we say them and even what we don’t say
sometimes speaks louder than words. One thing I have learned in the last year
is how much we can take for granted in a relationship. With Chuck’s injuries there was an immediate
change in our relationship which definitely changed how we communicated. The
first words he mouthed was, “I love you” while he was coming out of his coma. Nothing
sweeter could have been said to me at that time. But as we started down this new journey so
many things became evident about our new relationship. At first I had to be his
protector and advocate much of our conversations were me being directive as
well as asking tons of health questions. As he started to heal and things
started to calm down we realized that our conversations were less and less
about communication and more about scheduling or health related issues. It was
then that I realized how much we had lost; I just didn’t know if what was
temporary or permanent.
I
think one of the biggest things that I have learned walking through all this
was how much I leaned on Chuck for so many things. Our communication had become
nonverbal over the years as we became closer and closer. Just a look from me
and he would know if I wanted to talk or spend time with him. These days that is all
gone. Both of us are grieving the loss of the nonverbal communication that we
both had with each other. A certain touch on the hand could speak volumes. A squeeze of the shoulder could empower us to keep moving forward. I
think that as married couples get older the get in a groove, if it is a good
groove, then is a great thing. We had a great thing. Now we have accepted that
we need to rebuild and we are looking at what we can learn instead of looking at
what ground was lost, it’s a new adventure.
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| TMV© 2009 |
Both of
us are life time learners, so getting to know each other one more time is very gratifying. Talking with Chuck now, I have to watch my tone and how much I say
at one time. At first that really frustrated me, but now it is accepted and I
am learning to slow down. We walk at a different pace these days, as well as to a
different tune. Tonight we talked about what makes each of us feel special,
before the accident we both of us would’ve known. Despite all the changes we seek to understand
each other again and learn what we like.
The absence of something can speak louder than
just about anything. At first I hated the silence, the unknown, the starting
over. As I have been working with my grief, I have put on my adventurous hat and
chosen to walk down this new path that God has for us. Who knows what God has in store for us? I know that His promises are true.
6 comments:
It's true nonverbal communication can make spouses even closer. I'm glad that despite what happened to your dear Chuck, you're still happy together and still learning together like me and hubby. If we stop learning and growing with each other, life can be so boring.
Thank you for visiting my post. God bless you and Chuck. Hope he will fully recover soon.
Tonya, I definitely hear the hope in your voice. Yet, I know there's still pain. You two are a testimony of love... for each other, and for God. I'm in awe.
Thanks for continuing to share your journey with us. We too have had to deal with the inevitable changes that have come; empty nesting, moves, and so on. We are now over the bridge and in a completly new and exciting place--with each other and as we face our future. You will get there too.
Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today. Your contribution is very important, as always.
Hugs, e-Mom ღ
Wow, Tonya! You and your family certainly have been through so much! I read your post and looked for the back story. So I'm up to speed (somewhat) on what your son and husband have been going through. I will pray for you and your family. And thank you for sharing your heart so openly. Also for stopping by my blog. (I'm assuming it was you, anyway) Hang in there!
Thank you for your encouraging words over at my blog! Much appreciated!
I appreciate your sharing your experiences with us. Our marriages are a living, breathing work in progress. Just because something worked before doesn't mean it still works when our circumstances change!
That's not something I have ever given much thought to before. We should always be ready, willing and able to change and adapt. Communication is more crucial than ever during times of crisis. If we don't share our feelings and insecurities, it's too easy to internalize them and become too focused to ourselves!
I am convinced that your recent struggle and trials will only strengthen your relationship with one another as well as God. There will come a time when you will look back and see all that you have GAINED from this season and realize how much stronger you are as an individual and as a couple!!
Connie
Oh wow - I do not know your story as this is my first visit here - I am so sorry for your loss - but I agree with e-Mom there is hope in your words that you two can build a new relationship and I pray God surprises you both with some wonderful gems. Thanks for your authentic words. Shelley
Rejoicing with you!
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